what happened to my brain? and other bits about being pregnant.

Hey there, remember me? I'm that girl that keeps taking really long breaks from blogging. Maybe today marks another comeback or maybe this will end up being a random post for the month of January. At this point I have no idea.

This whole pregnancy thing has been a lot harder than I thought it would be. At least, hard in ways I didn't expect. It has been a little hard on me due to being high risk and having lupus, but the hardest part has been the change in interests. Or, lack there of. Blogging on a regular basis went down the drain and I didn't really care (sorry). The first trimester was so miserable for me that I had to take a break. I was in bed a lot. My lupus symptoms increased on top of being nauseous but never throwing up 24/7. I would fall asleep out of nowhere while sitting on the couch. I was exhausted and had no energy. I lost interest in cooking, cleaning, reading, getting on the computer, designing, blogging, you get the idea. Everything. Once my energy came back in the second trimester I thought everything else would fall into place. It did not. Sure I had energy, but that didn't mean my interests came back. I wanted to want to blog and design but I couldn't even sit in front of the computer without going bored. It was like I had pregnancy ADD, and still do. Maybe I've just figured out how to control it a little bit more. Maybe. Probably not. And then there was a period of about 3 weeks where I was seeing the Dr. once a week because of bleeding (I feel weird typing this, but I realize it's pretty common so hopefully I haven't frightened anyone). The stress and my Dr. kept me in bed for a little bit because of that.

You know that pregnancy brain thing? I believe in it fully. From forgetting to put conditioner in my hair while showering to forgetting things at the grocery story (that's Matt's job). It also stole my creativity. I had to take a break from graphic design (once the screen stopped making me nauseous). I couldn't come up with anything. I am a little bit better now but only because I will work for 2 hours and come up with one decent design.

Sometimes I think if I had a regular job maybe it would've been easier to stick to my routine, but then I think "Oh my god, I would've been fired."

What else has happened? I've gained weight. A lot. A depressing amount and I can only blame myself for having no self-control. You know how when you're tipsy and get the munchies and it's the best thing you've ever had? Well, that's kind of what being hungry and pregnant is like. Everything tastes amazing; you just can't get enough of that taco, burger, pizza, pie, cake, cookies….  And then there's that whole lack of energy or drive to workout. When I keep buying jeans in a size up and they're too big I realize that maybe a lot of the weight gain is in my head or at least in my upper body. My chest and ribs have expanded quite a bit so I feel huge when I look at myself in the mirror but I guess it hasn't gone to my thighs. My ribs, right at the top below my chest have been hurting again lately which means they must be expanding even more. My bra size has also increased to sizes I didn't know existed. I hate it. They're starting to invade the space that belongs to my arms.

Some things haven't been so bad, though. Being high risk means the Dr.'s have to watch me more closely which means I see my OB every 4 weeks and we have an ultrasound at the maternal fetal specialists every 4 weeks too. This month we're going in twice. And so far, he's perfect and everything is fine (oh, it's a boy!). My pregnancy, with it's hiccups, is going well. Lupus has a risk of still birth so I will be induced at 39 weeks (one week early) and I'm honestly OK with that. I can't imagine the agony and discomfort of going past your due date which is how it goes for most. I'm excited to get to hold my baby a whole week early!

Thanks for reading this really long, wordy post. I'll leave you with some photos as your reward.

it's a boy!

22 weeks and growing

If there are typos and errors, please accept my apology. I don't have the energy to reread this.